Booty Shock

Photo Cred: USFWS/Ann Froschauer

May 28th 2014:

The other day I ran into an old friend who has a long term girlfriend. It was a happy reunion that required a hug. However, somewhere in between making eye contact and making physical contact, I guess my friend registered that my dress had some sort of large cut-out in the back, and I'm assuming his line of thought went something like this: "Oh, some of her skin is showing, touching skin is inappropriate, so I should put my hands lower when we hug so that I am touching fabric instead of skin."

Therefore, rather than a big ole clap-on-the-back hug, what resulted was a solid, resounding clap on my ass, one hand to each cheek.

Like, the reverberations of that double slap probably sent out a large enough sonar wave to scare all of the bats in the area into flight. The shock waves of my jarred butt cheeks probably caused a big enough disturbance in the Force to alarm all of the local jedis. And I would have been suspicious that he did it on purpose if it weren't for the immediate thousand-yard-stare on his face and awkward few steps back that made it very clear his new thought-process was something along the lines of, "shit shit! WRONG! That was the WRONG THING."

Poor guys. When it comes to some of women's more confusing clothing, damned if you do, damned if you don't.