Sadie

After a terrifying, awful seizure two days ago, it was determined that my dog Sadie has a brain tumor. A brain tumor that is keeping her from eating, from going on her beloved walks, making her fall down and convulse; a tumor that is taking her down fast and hard.

We don’t have very long left together. One of the brightest spots of light in my life is about to wink out.

After every terrible thing that has happened to me in the last 13 years, I’ve cried into her fur, and ever-patiently she has let me, licked me, lain next to me, comforted me. Now she comes to me continually begging me to massage the pain out of her head, and suddenly I wish I were a robot, both so that I could do it forever and so that I couldn’t feel my heart cracking in two for her hurting. Whose fur do I cry into after this terrible thing?

She’s too good to be taken from the world right now. Especially with all of the sadness, injustice, bigotry, and outrage we human fools are perpetually finding ourselves embroiled in. Foolishness that could be avoided if we just didn't all think we are so much damn smarter than everyone and everything else. We think that because we’re human we’re better than every other species and therefore have the right to kill, hurt, or take anything else. We think because we’re certain kinds of humans we’re better than all the rest and so we get to kill and hurt each other too. And while we squabble, all of the best parts of life slip right through our fingers.

We’re wrong. Dogs are better than us and dogs are too good for us. Sadie is much too good for us. Maybe dogs have to leave us so soon because we just don’t deserve them. But we need them. We NEED the good. We think we’re teaching them to be “good” but they are teaching us.

Dogs are too good. Sadie is much too good. And their goodness should be an example to us that we can be good too. Be better, everyone. Be good.

She will always be my best girl.