Rad Dad

My dad only has one arm. "He was born that way," I've had to say to hundreds of people throughout my life.

Yet, he's spent his entire life with one hand, and ironically, he is the definition of a "Handy Man." Rather than being handicapped, he is the most capable person I know (besides my mom). He can fix anything, build anything, and climb anything. He skis, hikes, canoes, and scuba dives. He's a lawyer, a professor, and a coastal warrior. He's a photographer, a poet, and he raised three kids, two of them basically on his own. And he's done all of this without any kind of prosthetic. He's so capable that everyone who knows him (including me) completely forgets he only has one arm until a stranger meets him for the first time in their presence. And yesterday he and I went to early vote together.

We waited until the last day, an hour before the polls closed, and the line was ridiculous. After at least 30 minutes of inching along, we came to a woman who worked for the polls. We still had more than 30 minutes of line to go, but she pointed at us and waggled her finger. Both of us looked behind our own shoulders several times in a silent movie-worthy expression of "who?? Me???" But finally she got my dad to step out of line and speak with her.

I heard him ask, "Can my daughter come too?" So I assumed we were getting fast-tracked to the senior express line or something (he's 67 and white-haired). We sheepishly surpassed everyone else, both of us still extremely confused, and we were funneled into a separate room with a big sign out front that apparently my dad never noticed. Once I saw the sign, I cringed and felt like an imposter and a cheater, but the officials kept ushering us through the process like nothing was amiss.

Finally, my dad and I sat down next to each other with our voting cards and voting numbers, and he said, genuinely confused, "why did we get fast-tracked, I wonder??" I said, "Dad..." and subtly pointed to his half-arm. Him: "...what?" Me: "This is 'Disability Voting'." He finally looked up and noticed all of the other people in wheel chairs and with oxygen tanks, and eventually said, "...oh............." Then, after some silent contemplation: "well...I guess if it let's us vote on time I'll take it!"

Then they let in a young couple with a baby, so it's obvious they just wanted to get people the hell out of there. (You and my dad, Little Baby, big fat disabilities!)

But I guess that actually emphasizes how "disability" can be potential: potential to find new ways of doing things, and potential to grow. If my dad has shown me anything, it's that in the vast majority of cases, it's our own self doubt that gets in our way more than any actual handicaps we might have. My dad is so capable that he has never, ever, seen himself as disabled unless someone else tells him he is (and a lot of people have tried throughout his life). But even then he hasn't let that stop him.

This experience just got me thinking, since I only ever remember my dad is missing an arm when someone else points it out: I've been struggling for almost a year, feeling like I can't physically do what I want to do. Like I've worked hard so far, it's unfair that I haven't gotten where I want to be yet, and "the system" is my handicap. And there is some verity to that. But the real truth is I CAN do what I want to do, I've just been getting in my own way in a LOT of ways. Ive been chugging a deadly cocktail of my own self-doubt, uncertainty, pride, and unwillingness to take hard steps, and that is my actual handicap right now.

My dad has achieved everything he's ever wanted to do, and he's done it with one arm. So, do what you want to do with your life; Don't let any bullshit stop you. I know many people are disillusioned with the American Dream right now and I have felt that way myself. But if you can read this, most of your obstacles are most likely in your head, and it's probably up to you to get out of your own way. Hopefully I can take my own advice ☺️