Dear Clementine

Dear Clementine,

I’m sure you know that your mother is the ultimate badass and an idol to her students. She's basically a Beatle and we're all the screaming teenagers who cannot hold our shit together in her presence. So I’m not sure that I can tell you anything she hasn’t already, but as you're entering college now I’ll tell you what I’ve learned in my 29 years so far, a little over a decade in your future.

First and foremost: Don’t skip class for stupid reasons. Rain or a hangover are not valid excuses. The most important part of your education is showing up, both physically and mentally. Ask questions, ask for help, ask for one-on-one time when you need it. You may feel annoying, but in school and at work, people will be impressed with your initiative and determination to get things right. Befriend the teachers and peers you admire and collect people who expect more from you than you expect from yourself.

Don’t drink on an empty stomach and don’t drink just to put anyone else at ease. As a registered Gold Star Party Girl (we get free body glitter and confetti in the mail every month!), I promise that you do not have to be hammered to have fun.

Also know that making other people comfortable is NOT your job. Anyone who gaslights you, tells you not to “make things weird,” or not to “make a big deal” out of any situation in which you really want to raise hell, is at best a Fuckboy and at worst does not have your best interest at heart*

Your body is YOUR body. You owe NO ONE any part of it that you don't want to give, and no one is allowed to tell you what you can and can't do with it either.

Don’t be frivolous with money, but learn to recognize when it’s important for your psyche/health/happiness to splurge. Experiences are worth more than things. Saving should be your default, but if you have the money, paying for convenience can sometimes be the only way to not pay with your sanity.

Jealousy and greed are the fastest ways to topple a kingdom. Don't let other people's jealousy of you, or your jealousy of others, dim your light, and don't let greed overshadow the amazing things you already have.

Take the leaps. Get on stage at the concert, go on that last-minute road trip, take the opportunities to study abroad, and do the summer internship away from home. Always trust your gut, but don’t always trust your first impressions; People will surprise you.

Be open to love in all its crazy forms, but know that you should never have to beg someone to love you. Fights and arguments happen, but how someone consistently treats you is how they feel about you. Just like your friends, you and your partner should ultimately double each other’s joy, not diminish it. If someone doesn't want you, they don't deserve you, and it is always better to be by yourself than with someone who doesn’t make you a better version of yourself.

Exercise. It can be hard to motivate to do it, but it’s truly one of the best things for your happiness. If you’re feeling down and can’t figure out why, go for a run, swim, or bike ride. Your body was made to move; give it what it wants and your brain will thank you too.

Let rejection reinvigorate your ambition and let loneliness make you more generous with your heart. Let embarrassment connect you with others and teach you to laugh at yourself. Let fear make you brave, and self-doubt make you hungrier to find out who you are.

Even though I don't believe in a higher power, or a defined destiny, or a brick road we're following, I do believe in a brick road we're each laying for ourselves as we go along, piece by piece, with the help of our friends and loved ones. Sometimes you might think you’ve run out of bricks for your path, but if I know anything it's that the universe is about equilibrium. So if you find that you have the raw and terrible capability of being ripped open at the seams by your sorrow, then congratulations: you are also capable of being ripped open at the seams by your joy. So let yourself feel things deeply and be thankful for what the lows can teach you about how high you can reach.

Don't fight time. As women it sometimes feels like we're not allowed to age like men are. But be thankful for every future white hair: they are the receipts of all the stresses you've battled and overcome. Respect every future wrinkle: they are the tally marks of your anger, sorrow, joy, and laughter. Be reverent of every scar: they are the evidence that you've tested your limits and survived.

There is so much beauty in humanity. Hold the fascinating, loving, selfless, and joyous people close, and don’t let the selfish, pessimistic, or manipulative ones drag you down to their level. Always rise, and never hesitate to show gratitude to the good people in your life in every way you can think of. Gratitude and empathy are the cornerstones of happiness.

Good luck in this amazing time in your life. Take risks, get out of your comfort zone, and find people who make you laugh until you pee yourself. You have so much beauty ahead of you.

*These are the best times to raise hell.

Darcy Wilkins

Washington, D.C.

22 February 2018

P.S. Keep a journal!!! You have no idea how much you will forget and how fun/shocking/thrilling it is to look back.